If I'm being honest..

I don't want to be sad anymore so my brain made the conscious decision not to be. I feel like I'm 19 again or something. I feel like I just got out of jail. I feel like one part of my brain shut off and the other part turned on, because everything that I used to care about doesn't seem to matter as much. I have an off switch. My whole life has changed completely in the last 3 months. I have a new job, a new roommate, my sister is gone and I don't have a boyfriend. And I think I'm having a lot of fun learning how to live again.

Considering I've been battling a sometimes severe depression for the past year, the fact that I've managed to achieve this "off switch" seems to me to be the best present I could ever give myself.

Thanks, brain.

Moved to the Ox for a month.

I've moved to the Ox for a month. I needed more time to find a proper place to live, it's only temporary. So far it's ok, sometimes I feel a little bit alienated from the world, but I guess that effect comes from the heat and hardly any windows in this place. I'm trying not to get too comfortable, so that my relationships with the other people that live here are not altered from what they were before. I can't wait until someone from the Real World comes to visit me in this place, I want to see their reaction.

Robot.

I've always thought of myself as someone who can relate to the passing of another person's loved ones, but now I'm not so sure. My mother died when I was 13, and even though this has had a profound impact on how I view the world and my relationships with other people, sometimes I think it's done little more than make me a teary-eyed fool when watching movies involving children losing their parents (which never ceases to amaze me how I can be still be so affected by a movie plot).

Death is a strange thing. It is ever-present in our lives, it is a constant thing you can count on. Life ends, death continues. It never ceases to hurt, and the cold hard fact of it doesn't fade away. Rather, it becomes a part of ourselves, and we carry it with us for the rest of our time here on this earth.

I've kind of switched blogs...

but not really. Everything is exactly the same except I'm using my Gmail account to sign in now. For some reason blogger wouldn't let me switch or add e-mail addresses. So...if you're one of the few that I've been following and you realize one day that there are two Livis following you, you should either A) Run away or B) Not worry about it.

Okay!

--

Livi.

^

P.S. NEW [phrenologic.blogspot.com] OLD [watermaywalk.blogspot.com]

v

Horchata

It's raining, Deanna (my new roommate and friend) and I are staying in and playing with our cat children tonight. Really loving our new apartment, it feels perfect. It's going to be even better when the weather is constantly nice and we can sit outside in the courtyard (yes we have an enclosed courtyard! ^_^)

I'm going to try and spice this blog up a little bit. I don't have the brain power for it at the moment, but I have some ideas.

Right now I'm just going to sit and listen to the newest Vampire Weekend album, though.

So, later. Later.

Doo Wop

If the times allowed it, I would be prepared to enter into solitary confinement, my sambuca, my Lauryn Hill and I.

I am not a robot.

I'm really starting to wonder why all of these unsavory people from my past are starting to come out of the woodwork and want a piece of me in some form or another. Is there some sort of cosmic joke being played on me that I'm unaware of? I really just want to say "stay the fuck away", but I can't do that. Everyone's human, and 'everyone' is too fragile for my liking.

I guess I'm also just in a bad mood today. I slept entirely too much and wasted the day away.

I've come to some sort of balance that I'm feeling pretty good about at this point in my life. I've let go of the past, I've let go of the hurt inflicted upon me by unimportant people, I've even let go of the people that I thought meant a lot more to me than they really did. I'm clearing my mind of the excess. (I guess what I'm getting at is that I wish other people would do the same.)

Now I just need to find something meaningful to replace the space.

And maybe I've cleared out too much, because for the past week I've felt like I'm forgetting something extremely important. If anyone can help me out, feel free to throw some suggestions my way; try and jog my memory.